The New Year is one of the biggest cycles of them all. One complete revolution of our sun. A complete run through the four seasons of the year, or the twelve months, or the 52 weeks, or the 365 days (366 if you count a leap year- as 2024 was). And it is a cycle which consistently prompts reflection; partly of what happened over those past 365 (or 366) days, yet also reflection over the future. New Years Resolutions exist for this precise reason, as well as cliché Instagram post formats, or photo albums or whatever.
Reflecting on this one that's just passed- I have to say that it was the hardest I've faced yet. And that seems almost surreal to say when we've gone through a global pandemic which spanned multiple years and brought so much hardship to the world. But I'm oddly inclined to think that many people (especially many of those around me) would also agree with the fact that this past year has been one of the harder ones for a multitude of reasons.
Part of it, for me, lay in the process of becoming a teacher; finding myself in a career and building myself into someone worthy of following this path. Training to become one was brutal enough, with many long nights endured, moments of emotional toll and intense stress, several deadlines that seemed nigh on impossible to keep up to date with. I have said before that I think I endured not only the toughest, but the three toughest weeks of my life during my training, as every time I thought it couldn't get harder than that, I was swiftly proven to be very, very wrong. Not to mention becoming a teacher in itself, which has been such a struggle that I reckon that number has probably gone up to five or so. It has honestly been hard to perceive just how hard it has been in the heat of it, which, inversely, tells you all you need to know about this level of difficulty.
Another part of it is grief. Grief in the traditional sense, yes- for relatives who have now gone from my life (both literally and metaphorically!). But also grief for other things- for friends and companions who I have drifted away from and in turn for people who I really liked that disappeared from my life for their own reasons. Grief for others and their situations. Grief for the world as a whole. Grief for the past, grief for the future; one which now looks uncertain and cold and which I will have to face as the adult I have not really wanted to become; or have at least struggled to envision myself becoming.
Part of it might well have been the lingering effect of the aforementioned pandemic; the aftershock after the earthquake, the reduction to 'minus one' after hitting what you thought was 'absolute zero'. The struggles may not be the same now; we can socialise, move freely, afford to live (just about...), but many others have exacerbated in the meantime. We
can socialise, yes; but how has this changed? We can move more freely; but how are we still restricted within this? We can afford to live and perceive a future; but is it a positive one, or a terrifying vision that lies ahead?
But heck, I'm getting too ahead of myself and I'm ranting too much now. Moping, whining and being down in the dumps might start you somewhere, but it will get you nowhere. If anything, this year I have learned the value of being an optimist and how to be truly patient. But my main learning is that what really counts is how you react to the tough things and how you deal with them in turn- your sense of resilience.
Resilience is a word that I had to teach my year 7s for one of their citizenship lessons this term. But in truth, at the time, I didn't exactly know what it meant to me. I always preferred to hold an ethos of consistency within myself. At my teacher training interview, I remember being asked what motivates me. I replied that I didn't believe in motivation; that it was bullshit, fleeting, a temporary hit. Anyone can be motivated to do something, but holding true to your values and applying them consistently was what mattered. Seemed like this answer worked.
About two years on from then, though, and I'm not sure I believe in that any more. Anyone can be motivated, yes; fewer can be consistent, maybe. But being consistent doesn't always work out. You can stay as consistent as you want, but things will still be thrown your way that quash that consistency. If anything, sometimes staying consistent can be detrimental; putting up an act and relentless effort, especially when you're just subjecting yourself to insanely intense hardships can grind you down to pieces.
I tried to continue to be consistent this year, and towards the latter half of it, it failed quite poorly. Teaching, life and being a human doesn't work like that; as there are always things that will throw you off, punch you around. If you just keep on getting back up consistently, you'll die. But if you stay down when the world has got you down, then maybe you should take it as a good opportunity to stay down and rest before you get back up, to come back stronger and more ready.
Now, I have learned that being resilient is what truly counts. Resilience does not depend on consistency; perfectly complete and ephemeral cycles of rebounding. Instead, resilience is the ability to discern where your energy should be placed and when you should let it recover, for long term benefit.
It is actually defined as the ability to adapt and recover from difficult situations:
A definition which subliminally recognises 1. the fact that we will all go through difficult situations and 2. the fact that they will get us down to the point where we need to recover from them.
So, if anything, I'll be trying to head into this next cycle with some more resilience. To accept when the world has dragged me down; to be lenient towards myself when it has; to allow myself to fall and recover over and over and over. As with anything, it's easier said than done, but I hope that if we all say and practice it together, that it can be done. I hope that 2025 will be more forgiving and I hope that it will be easier; not just for me, but for everyone. But I cannot confirm that it will be. What we can do, however, is be resilient in the face of it.
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